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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

through the eyes of a baby

So I'm changing my tune already, Frida Maria has turned 4 months old, and I'm not the wiser but I am getting used to it. And now she's observing her environment, looking around with those precious little buttons for eyes that she has. And she making all kinds of talk noises and moving restlessly about her crib. And best of all, she smiles at me and my wife and recognizes us when she wakes up first thing in the morning and whenever we give her the attention she deserves.

She's starting to teeth though, and the drool is pouring and she bites her hands and tries to itch at those gums. And that's when she gets really fussy. But other than that, she's mellow and likes going out, especially to supermarkets with all the bright light and colors from the countless products, and to parties, with all the funny faces and loud noises. If anything, my wife asks: "Is it wrong to think that your baby is just too cute for words?" So among Frida Maria's many nicknames (Baby Jokes, Little Slick, Little Big Cheeks, Cheeky Cheeks, Papa Frita), TCFW is her most recent and most text-friendly.

The worrying doesn't stop of course. My wife had to go back to work for a month and half to close out the school year since she's a teacher. She'll have the summer off which is great for her and Frida Maria. But in the meantime, we had to get a nanny. Still, I'm always worrying about Frida Maria's safety and physical well-being. Did she eat enough? Did she sleep or not? Did she cry a lot? And then I sit in my office cubicle looking at my pictures of Frida Maria wishing I was with her and then I really start worrying about the big monsters under my bed. What will the future hold for Frida Maria? Will the world economies, especially that of the U.S., tumble because of oil prices and scarcities? Will global warming bring humanity more natural disasters and millions of deaths more? Will my poor little girl grow up in a world filled with hunger, death and war at her doorstep? But isn't that the world I was born into myself and still live in? As I've always said, the world has been ending since it started.

I don't want Frida Maria to suffer at all. How can I protect her though? How can I save her? And what about the day we have to separate for whatever reason, or God forbid, because of death? What then? I suppress these thoughts as best I can, focus on the present, on the positive. Live and enjoy the moment. But easier said than done when humanity is sick, when we're all mentally sick and bent on destroying ourselves and everything around us. Can we really turn it around? Or is it too late? And if we can, will we? Day at a time. Moment at a time is the only way to live it seems to keep from going completely mad. To be present, aware of the beautiful world around us as seen through the eyes of a baby.